1.
Supplies: Here’s the Recipe. I’m eliminating
bacon, and if you stop reading because of that, I understand. But I am adding
booze. (Red Wine). And Spaghetti
Seasoning, which I got freshly ground from the work, the place that I should be
writing the blog for, because they pay me to do that.
(Note to self: Decide to figure out how to
make this post professional later)
2.
Open your red wine. So it can breathe. For the
sauce, not for me, it’s three in the afternoon for fuck’s sake. But taste a little just to make sure it’s
good.
 |
| Just enough for a taste |
3.
Prep. Realize literally every dish you need is
dirty right now. Take five minute dish break, you slob.
4.
Need music for cleaning. I like listening to
Lorde, because she’s 6 years younger than me and I’ll never be as successful as
she is. Wait…Let’s just Spotify. Found Playlist called “Chillin' Sex and Cooking, Works With Everything" Let’s check it out.
5.
Make your Mer Poix*
6.
Get distracted looking up spelling of *Mirepoix.
Become overly proud of self for very nearly spelling it correctly the first
time.
7.
Have to make sure wine is breathing nicely and
not corked. Just a sip.
8.
Have not actually started cooking yet. Do that.
Here is all the shit you need.
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| Cropped out the dog treats so no one would get confused |
9.
It is unreal how depressing this playlist is.
Switch to "Teen Dance Party" because
you have no shame and that is obviously the best playlist on spotify.
10. This
is mirepoix. If you are a professional, I think everything is supposed to be
cut the same size. I am clearly not a professional. It’s ok. Just call it “Rustic” and everyone will be
impressed.
 |
| #Rustic |
11. Don’t add the garlic at the same time as
the mirepoix. Nobody knows why. The internet
says no though.
12. Dance with dogs to Lana Del Ray’s "Blue
Jeans" while you cook mirepoix until the onions look clear.
13. Add ground beef. Or ground turkey, if
you’re trying to be healthy. Or bison, if you’re trying to be awesome and
you’re rich.
14. Add
way too much balsamic. Hope that cooks off.
15. Add
wine to pan and glass
16. Have a real struggle with the can opener
while trying to open tomato paste,
fling wildly on to laptop screen. Why do they make the cans so small?
17. Only
use ½ the can of tomato paste. Why don’t they make them smaller?
19. Simmer Bolognese while you boil pasta
water, Let those flavors really absorb,
you know? #Rustic
20. Proofread
blog while you boil pasta.
21. Wait,
why does the water have to be boiling? Why cant you just put it in there when its cold? Research that on google.
22. Pause
research to skip past Lorde songs.
 | ||
| Ow, my self esteem! #Rustic |
23. Never complete research because food is ready!
24. Grate Parmesan cheese on there BY HAND. Lorde would never have to do this shit. Vow to buy pre-shedded cheese next time.
25. Eat so much. All of it.
 |
| Yeah girl. #rustic |
